Couple Caught Having Sex On The Beach In Florida For 25 Minutes

JULY 21–A Florida couple was arrested last night for having sex on the beach in front of numerous individuals, including a four-year-old girl and a witness who recorded the sandy tryst with a camera phone, according to police. Elissa Alvarez, a 20-year-old waitress, and Jose Caballero, a 39-year-old personal trainer, were each busted for felony lewd and lascivious exhibition on Cortez Beach in Bradenton. Alvarez, seen at right, and Caballero were each released from jail today after posting $7500 bond.

Cops were summoned to the beach by witness Emily Hall, who told officers that a Hispanic couple was “laying on a sheet next to her” when they “started to fondle each other.” In short order, Hall reported, the pair “started to have intercourse on the beach,” according to a probable cause affidavit. Hall said she was “very upset” because her four-year-old daughter “witnessed the couple having sex.” Six other witnesses filed complaint affidavits describing Alvarez’s and Caballero’s explicit beach performance. In fact, “One witness filmed the couple with a camera phone to be used as evidence for this complaint,” an officer noted.

If you watched the news report you’ll know there’s one key piece of evidence. These two fucked for 25 minutes. TWENTY FIVE MINUTES! Such an outrageously long time to be having sex for. Which is their one and only fault. No one likes a show off. It’s not like this is the first time two people have fucked on a Florida beach before. But 25 minutes is just shoving it in everyone’s face. You can’t be doing that in broad daylight. Letting everyone know that you fuck like a pornstar. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, fine. But if you’re having sex for 25 minutes you deserve to be arrested solely on the crime of being a try hard at sex. Total loser move (is how I rationalize being awful at sex).

PS

Yes, definitely, for like 2 and a half minutes.